Everything one wants to know about Live, Love and Romance (for Men and Women)
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The Truth on Life, Love and Romance entails so much more than what naturally comes to mind when you hear these words!I want to discuss any and everything people may want my advice/opinions on...and I have Lots for Men and Women!!! If you can think it, I've lived it and am Sane, Happy and FINALLY Madly in Love and not Jaded by crappy experiences life has dealt me.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
I would like to know what some of you would like to talk about????
There's so many thing's I can Blog about but, I really wanna know what others are wondering, or wanna talk about :)
Hey Heather! First of all I want to say how happy I am for you and so glad that you found happiness your one in a million! I am also glad that you started this website. I have been married not even a year and have been lied to over a million times as well as him sex texting (sending pics of his genitals and receiving them)but claims he hasn't cheated.. Well shame on me for taking him back I know but I have tried. I set up therapy, he didn't have time after one visit, tried talking he runs when he is busted, kicked him out and let him back and still continues.. Last night he lied to me about leaving the two 11 year old girls home alone and then told them to lie and say he was here. They told me the truth.... I know you can't change someone but gosh when is enough enough... What to do???? I have expressed that little lies hurt worse cause they lead to bigger things and then teaching the girls to lie is a big NO NO!! I am beyond myself. Just tried to adapt to the whole lying thing but I can't do it.. It's every week one lie after another. Just has hardened this relationship and oh my so much more! Just need some advice on what to do to help.. I have run out of options. When he is confronted he blames everyone else is lying not him. I give up!
Hey CRFR2007, I've been through this exact situation in many relationships, minus children being involved. I think you have already answered your own question, it's past enough and time to get out for your own sanity and so your Daughters won't grow up thinking this is the way a marriage should be. I'm assuming the girls are yours, since you said they're 11 and you have only been married a year to this guy. You're spot on when you said you can't change someone...I've thought I could change, fix, and help a few guys in the past and it caused a lot of heartache. You can't no matter how hard you try or any ultimatum you give. Your guy sounds like mine were, always turn the lie they're caught in on you or someone else. People treat you they way YOU allow them to, and you've already set this relationship down the wrong path by taking him back and letting him talk his way out of the lies. So basically you have enable this behavior by letting him come back and let it continue to happen. You've probably made threats like "This is the last time", etc, but still always take him back. Now that you haven't followed through with your threats he doesn't believe you will really leave. Been there, done that, got the Tee shirt and I've burnt it :) It took me many years to learn that lesson, it was a hard lesson too! Me being a Nurse it's in my nature to take care of people, so in my personal life I always thought I could fix these guys the way I fixed my patients. Doesn't work and never will...You deserve better and your girls deserve a better role model as to what a Husband should be. Bottom line, if you don't have TRUST you don't have anything. I can only assume you do not trust him after all the lies you have caught him in. You will never trust him, and he will never change because the foundation is set. This should be the best time of your lives together as newlyweds, he should want to be with you as much as possible. If it's already this bad now, I can PROMISE you it will not get better. I've learned through my tumultuous relationships from the past that LIFE is TOO SHORT to waste your time with someone who doesn't put you and the relationship you have together first! I finally realized I was worth more and deserved to be with someone who not only loved me but respected me. It's better to be happy single, than miserable with someone that you are always in your mind wondering if the words coming out of their mouths is a truth or lie. It's so not worth it and there are still good guys out there. I promise, found mine on Match.com!
Continued below: I had given up and decided I was just going to be happily single before I met my Husband. You shouldn't make anymore threats or give him a chance to weasel his way out of this year of lies, just go file for Divorce and go see your GYN to get tested for STD's ASAP!!! Having only been married less than a year a Divorce is really inexpensive, that is given you don't have a lot of assets together. Him trying to get your Children to lie for him should be the straw that breaks the camels back...If he will do something like that then he really doesn't have a conscious at all, and you're probably NOT the first girl he's done this way! Move on and one day you will look back when you find the right one who you have mutual love and respect with and thank God for the broken roads...I know I have! All my broken roads lead me to the best thing that has ever happened to me. There's ONE thing though...when you get to the point that you're back out there dating DO NOT assume everyone is going to be like your husband was. You have to give everyone a clean slate unless they prove otherwise, cause it's not fair to assume all guys are like that. Don't let this jade you into thinking there's not True love and Happily Ever After out there...go find your girls a new role model that treats you like you are a Princess! It doesn't have to be a nasty divorce either just cut the ties and sit back and you will see what goes around really does come back around...I was 32 before I met my Prince but it was SO worth all those frogs I had to go through to get to him :)
Great question! As Heather would say, "Run Forrest Run!" I have been there and done that. Life has so much more to offer! You are the model for the world to show you how to love you!
Loving your blog! You mentioned Match.com. Maybe you can make a list on Run Forrest Run red flags for online dating. You are hilarious as well as insightful. I would love to see your response!
I also have a question. After being married almost 8 yrs to what I thought was the love of my life, I find myself contemplating divorce more than I should. It started when started getting a lil friendly with a female coworker that was about 5yrs ago. We went through the lies and me finding out first hand. But he still claims it was "just friends" that's fine if you tell your wife and the female is also friends with your wife. ANyway I gave him another chance and last year he rocked my world once again. I was pregnant with our 2nd child and thought all was good well as good as it had been lately. He took off work for 6wks to help me with the baby and I thought again everything is great. Well a cpl months after we had the baby home and he went back to work things wetn down hill. I decided to go looking and wish now maybe that I hadn't. I found a cell phone with several female contacts that he was sexting. 2 of them were past girlfriends and one was very heated at the time. He had just purchased her a lovely Birthday gift after only talking to her for 2wks. Jewelry to be specific. Though according to the text they had talked about sex alot but hadn't actually went all the way when I found the phone. He still tries to convince me it was nothing sexually but along with the phone I found, sexual enhancers, pack of clean underwear, toothpaste, listerine but no condoms????? Of course I let him talk me into us trying to work on our marriage and though I dont believe he has done anything like that since then, its so hard to get the pics and texts out of my head and most definitely hard to handle the thought that he didn't buy me anything for my birthday that was just a month or so before this other chicks bday and thought most definitely after I told him how much it hurt me about that then this birthday would be different. Nope not at all. He didn't buy me anything no effort made for a card or anything, I dont see any hope ever being able to let this go and get over it if he is not gonna do any better. Any advice or thoughts?????????????
RUN FORREST RUN! The writing is on the wall but we wanna believe as women that they can change, but they won't. I PROMISE they don't!!! I still have exes who have tried contacting me all through THEIR marriages, of course I'm like "Dude, I'm happily married, leave me alone". Your man like so many egotistical guys want to have their cake and wanna EAT it too or in this case have sex with it! I'm so sorry but you husband is having an affair, and has probably had many...the no condom thing?!? You need to go get a PAP and see your GYN and get tested for STD's too!!! I've been in your seat before and been in denial, while all my friends tried to tell me the truth...I didn't wanna believe someone would do this to me, who had swore they loved me more than anything in the world...I just had to realize I wasn't the only one he was telling this to. As I've said in my earlier post, life is WAY TOO short to deal with this kind of crap. It will drive you crazy the longer you stay and before long you're gonna be Magnum P.I.'ing it all the time...looking at his phone, sneaking out to his vehicle looking for more clues that are already gonna affirm what you know but are having a hard time accepting. His behavior is totally unacceptable, and the only reason he's "willing" to tell you he will work on the marriage is so he can shut you up, and still have his whores on the side. These whores and yes, I say Whores probably know he's married and I hope they rot in Hell for helping commit Adultery...Just make a plan of action with your kids etc, and get out. File for divorce, you have enough proof and ask for half of EVERYTHING!!! You don't want your children growing up in an environment like this cause as they grow up they will know what's going on and you don't want them to think this is acceptable. Leave. NOW. Don't give him the opportunity to try and talk you out of it and turn it around on you...you are not to blame bc he has a problem w/ monogamy. There is a happily ever after out there for you...but the man you're married to is NOT it :( Praying for you the strength you need to go through with this process...It HAS to be done!
Thanks Heather! Yes one of the girls are mine and the other is his. I told him that this was the last straw and I just recently had foot surgery and been down on my luck.. As soon as I get back up on my feet litterally I am walking aka running lol.. Just there has been so much I have caught him calling, texting, and sending pictures of his genitals and receiving them and after confrontation he denies but the women didn't all except one. Anyhow, I have been tested two times since our marriage and I just recently had a misscarriage which has a huge emotional toll on someone and with nobody really to talk to. He barely took off work the day I had to have the D&C done. Just de ja vue with my relationships. They either are abusive, cheaters, or liars. I don't get it. Just so many rollercoasters of emotions and I can honestly say I have tried. But I hate it for his daughter. This is his third marriage and I have been his longest (now I know why) and my second. This has been far been a disaster. When I first caught him sex texting another girl I confronted him and he lied (go figure) then I kept on asking him and he continued to lie so I slapped the dog sh**t out of him.. Was it right to hit him, no but Im sick and tired of being lied to, I realized that didn't even help. Nothing has worked and your right I have kept on letting him and trying to change him and I shouldn't feel guilty for him being such a liar. I fell in love with his lies and now that I know who he is the love is gone... Thank you :) Just divorce sucks it stays with you... One last note I have the girls write me a verse out of the Bible everyweek and tell me why and his daugher wrote one from Psalm 12:1-2 it is about lieing and she said it reminded her of her father how sad.... He has really left a bad imprint in her life with the different women and the lies... She has really been the only reason I have stayed and her mother doesn't have custody of her just him, sad situation just so much.......
I'm glad you can recognize your relationship for what it is this early on, because I've stayed for yrs before. That's time I will never get back and was totally wasted on a loser. I just wish I hadn't got sucked in to the lies and let him talk his way out. I know this is rough and I'm sorry for your miscarriage but may things happen for a reason and God was really looking out for you...could you imagine being stuck with having to see him for the next 18 yrs and turn your child over to him every other wknd? Then your child would have grown up feeling the way his already does about him. Kids know way more than people give them credit for...but as sad as it is about his daughter, you can't stay for her. You have to look out for number one cause no one else will and that's you and your daughter. You don't want your daughter seeing you lied to and treated this way or she will follow in your path. Divorce stinks but, you know what??? It's okay in this kind of situation to let the feelings of guilt go...You fell in love with lies and that's why you might could get an annulment vs. a Divorce if it's less than a year and file for fraud ;)Hope you are up on your feet soon and get the heck outta this environment before it totally screws with your head...That's what I had to do..run..I've even had a 9mm Gun held to my head in the past and told I would never leave, I would always be his, ummmm I left and I'm still alive. Although I did have to finally go to the Criminal Magistrate Judge to call and put the fear of God in him and inform him he would lose his job if he didn't leave me alone..I hope you don't have to get a restraining order but if you do, you do. Praying for a speedy recovery so you can literally be up and running and get the Heck out!!! Ive always been in relationships where there was arguing and fighting...well they would and I would just look at them like they were crazy cause I'm not wired to argue, I wasn't raised in a household like that and knew it wasn't normal. I've been married a year next month, and together for over 2 1/2 all together and we have never had a fight and if we do disagree we talk like adults in a normal tone, never any name calling, etc. I told him from the beginning how he was gonna treat me or else we wouldn't date. I said I deserve to be treated like a Princess. The Bible says a "Man should love his wife like he loved the church." This goes both ways, if a man puts you on pedestal then it's easy to love him that much back....I'm like 50 feet high up on mine, and girl your pedestal is up there somewhere!!! Go read my very first Blog where and how I met my husband...There is true love still out there ;) Good luck, keep me updated!
Hey Heather! First of all I want to say how happy I am for you and so glad that you found happiness your one in a million! I am also glad that you started this website. I have been married not even a year and have been lied to over a million times as well as him sex texting (sending pics of his genitals and receiving them)but claims he hasn't cheated.. Well shame on me for taking him back I know but I have tried. I set up therapy, he didn't have time after one visit, tried talking he runs when he is busted, kicked him out and let him back and still continues.. Last night he lied to me about leaving the two 11 year old girls home alone and then told them to lie and say he was here. They told me the truth.... I know you can't change someone but gosh when is enough enough... What to do???? I have expressed that little lies hurt worse cause they lead to bigger things and then teaching the girls to lie is a big NO NO!! I am beyond myself. Just tried to adapt to the whole lying thing but I can't do it.. It's every week one lie after another. Just has hardened this relationship and oh my so much more! Just need some advice on what to do to help.. I have run out of options. When he is confronted he blames everyone else is lying not him. I give up!
ReplyDeleteHey CRFR2007,
ReplyDeleteI've been through this exact situation in many relationships, minus children being involved. I think you have already answered your own question, it's past enough and time to get out for your own sanity and so your Daughters won't grow up thinking this is the way a marriage should be. I'm assuming the girls are yours, since you said they're 11 and you have only been married a year to this guy. You're spot on when you said you can't change someone...I've thought I could change, fix, and help a few guys in the past and it caused a lot of heartache. You can't no matter how hard you try or any ultimatum you give. Your guy sounds like mine were, always turn the lie they're caught in on you or someone else. People treat you they way YOU allow them to, and you've already set this relationship down the wrong path by taking him back and letting him talk his way out of the lies. So basically you have enable this behavior by letting him come back and let it continue to happen. You've probably made threats like "This is the last time", etc, but still always take him back. Now that you haven't followed through with your threats he doesn't believe you will really leave. Been there, done that, got the Tee shirt and I've burnt it :) It took me many years to learn that lesson, it was a hard lesson too! Me being a Nurse it's in my nature to take care of people, so in my personal life I always thought I could fix these guys the way I fixed my patients. Doesn't work and never will...You deserve better and your girls deserve a better role model as to what a Husband should be. Bottom line, if you don't have TRUST you don't have anything. I can only assume you do not trust him after all the lies you have caught him in. You will never trust him, and he will never change because the foundation is set. This should be the best time of your lives together as newlyweds, he should want to be with you as much as possible. If it's already this bad now, I can PROMISE you it will not get better. I've learned through my tumultuous relationships from the past that LIFE is TOO SHORT to waste your time with someone who doesn't put you and the relationship you have together first! I finally realized I was worth more and deserved to be with someone who not only loved me but respected me. It's better to be happy single, than miserable with someone that you are always in your mind wondering if the words coming out of their mouths is a truth or lie. It's so not worth it and there are still good guys out there. I promise, found mine on Match.com!
Continued below:
ReplyDeleteI had given up and decided I was just going to be happily single before I met my Husband. You shouldn't make anymore threats or give him a chance to weasel his way out of this year of lies, just go file for Divorce and go see your GYN to get tested for STD's ASAP!!! Having only been married less than a year a Divorce is really inexpensive, that is given you don't have a lot of assets together. Him trying to get your Children to lie for him should be the straw that breaks the camels back...If he will do something like that then he really doesn't have a conscious at all, and you're probably NOT the first girl he's done this way! Move on and one day you will look back when you find the right one who you have mutual love and respect with and thank God for the broken roads...I know I have! All my broken roads lead me to the best thing that has ever happened to me. There's ONE thing though...when you get to the point that you're back out there dating DO NOT assume everyone is going to be like your husband was. You have to give everyone a clean slate unless they prove otherwise, cause it's not fair to assume all guys are like that. Don't let this jade you into thinking there's not True love and Happily Ever After out there...go find your girls a new role model that treats you like you are a Princess! It doesn't have to be a nasty divorce either just cut the ties and sit back and you will see what goes around really does come back around...I was 32 before I met my Prince but it was SO worth all those frogs I had to go through to get to him :)
Great question! As Heather would say, "Run Forrest Run!" I have been there and done that. Life has so much more to offer! You are the model for the world to show you how to love you!
ReplyDeleteLoving your blog! You mentioned Match.com. Maybe you can make a list on Run Forrest Run red flags for online dating. You are hilarious as well as insightful. I would love to see your response!
I also have a question. After being married almost 8 yrs to what I thought was the love of my life, I find myself contemplating divorce more than I should. It started when started getting a lil friendly with a female coworker that was about 5yrs ago. We went through the lies and me finding out first hand. But he still claims it was "just friends" that's fine if you tell your wife and the female is also friends with your wife. ANyway I gave him another chance and last year he rocked my world once again. I was pregnant with our 2nd child and thought all was good well as good as it had been lately. He took off work for 6wks to help me with the baby and I thought again everything is great. Well a cpl months after we had the baby home and he went back to work things wetn down hill. I decided to go looking and wish now maybe that I hadn't. I found a cell phone with several female contacts that he was sexting. 2 of them were past girlfriends and one was very heated at the time. He had just purchased her a lovely Birthday gift after only talking to her for 2wks. Jewelry to be specific. Though according to the text they had talked about sex alot but hadn't actually went all the way when I found the phone. He still tries to convince me it was nothing sexually but along with the phone I found, sexual enhancers, pack of clean underwear, toothpaste, listerine but no condoms????? Of course I let him talk me into us trying to work on our marriage and though I dont believe he has done anything like that since then, its so hard to get the pics and texts out of my head and most definitely hard to handle the thought that he didn't buy me anything for my birthday that was just a month or so before this other chicks bday and thought most definitely after I told him how much it hurt me about that then this birthday would be different. Nope not at all. He didn't buy me anything no effort made for a card or anything, I dont see any hope ever being able to let this go and get over it if he is not gonna do any better. Any advice or thoughts?????????????
ReplyDeleteRUN FORREST RUN! The writing is on the wall but we wanna believe as women that they can change, but they won't. I PROMISE they don't!!! I still have exes who have tried contacting me all through THEIR marriages, of course I'm like "Dude, I'm happily married, leave me alone". Your man like so many egotistical guys want to have their cake and wanna EAT it too or in this case have sex with it! I'm so sorry but you husband is having an affair, and has probably had many...the no condom thing?!? You need to go get a PAP and see your GYN and get tested for STD's too!!! I've been in your seat before and been in denial, while all my friends tried to tell me the truth...I didn't wanna believe someone would do this to me, who had swore they loved me more than anything in the world...I just had to realize I wasn't the only one he was telling this to. As I've said in my earlier post, life is WAY TOO short to deal with this kind of crap. It will drive you crazy the longer you stay and before long you're gonna be Magnum P.I.'ing it all the time...looking at his phone, sneaking out to his vehicle looking for more clues that are already gonna affirm what you know but are having a hard time accepting. His behavior is totally unacceptable, and the only reason he's "willing" to tell you he will work on the marriage is so he can shut you up, and still have his whores on the side. These whores and yes, I say Whores probably know he's married and I hope they rot in Hell for helping commit Adultery...Just make a plan of action with your kids etc, and get out. File for divorce, you have enough proof and ask for half of EVERYTHING!!! You don't want your children growing up in an environment like this cause as they grow up they will know what's going on and you don't want them to think this is acceptable. Leave. NOW. Don't give him the opportunity to try and talk you out of it and turn it around on you...you are not to blame bc he has a problem w/ monogamy. There is a happily ever after out there for you...but the man you're married to is NOT it :( Praying for you the strength you need to go through with this process...It HAS to be done!
ReplyDeleteThanks Heather! Yes one of the girls are mine and the other is his. I told him that this was the last straw and I just recently had foot surgery and been down on my luck.. As soon as I get back up on my feet litterally I am walking aka running lol.. Just there has been so much I have caught him calling, texting, and sending pictures of his genitals and receiving them and after confrontation he denies but the women didn't all except one. Anyhow, I have been tested two times since our marriage and I just recently had a misscarriage which has a huge emotional toll on someone and with nobody really to talk to. He barely took off work the day I had to have the D&C done. Just de ja vue with my relationships. They either are abusive, cheaters, or liars. I don't get it. Just so many rollercoasters of emotions and I can honestly say I have tried. But I hate it for his daughter. This is his third marriage and I have been his longest (now I know why) and my second. This has been far been a disaster. When I first caught him sex texting another girl I confronted him and he lied (go figure) then I kept on asking him and he continued to lie so I slapped the dog sh**t out of him.. Was it right to hit him, no but Im sick and tired of being lied to, I realized that didn't even help. Nothing has worked and your right I have kept on letting him and trying to change him and I shouldn't feel guilty for him being such a liar. I fell in love with his lies and now that I know who he is the love is gone... Thank you :) Just divorce sucks it stays with you... One last note I have the girls write me a verse out of the Bible everyweek and tell me why and his daugher wrote one from Psalm 12:1-2 it is about lieing and she said it reminded her of her father how sad.... He has really left a bad imprint in her life with the different women and the lies... She has really been the only reason I have stayed and her mother doesn't have custody of her just him, sad situation just so much.......
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you can recognize your relationship for what it is this early on, because I've stayed for yrs before. That's time I will never get back and was totally wasted on a loser. I just wish I hadn't got sucked in to the lies and let him talk his way out. I know this is rough and I'm sorry for your miscarriage but may things happen for a reason and God was really looking out for you...could you imagine being stuck with having to see him for the next 18 yrs and turn your child over to him every other wknd? Then your child would have grown up feeling the way his already does about him. Kids know way more than people give them credit for...but as sad as it is about his daughter, you can't stay for her. You have to look out for number one cause no one else will and that's you and your daughter. You don't want your daughter seeing you lied to and treated this way or she will follow in your path. Divorce stinks but, you know what??? It's okay in this kind of situation to let the feelings of guilt go...You fell in love with lies and that's why you might could get an annulment vs. a Divorce if it's less than a year and file for fraud ;)Hope you are up on your feet soon and get the heck outta this environment before it totally screws with your head...That's what I had to do..run..I've even had a 9mm Gun held to my head in the past and told I would never leave, I would always be his, ummmm I left and I'm still alive. Although I did have to finally go to the Criminal Magistrate Judge to call and put the fear of God in him and inform him he would lose his job if he didn't leave me alone..I hope you don't have to get a restraining order but if you do, you do. Praying for a speedy recovery so you can literally be up and running and get the Heck out!!! Ive always been in relationships where there was arguing and fighting...well they would and I would just look at them like they were crazy cause I'm not wired to argue, I wasn't raised in a household like that and knew it wasn't normal. I've been married a year next month, and together for over 2 1/2 all together and we have never had a fight and if we do disagree we talk like adults in a normal tone, never any name calling, etc. I told him from the beginning how he was gonna treat me or else we wouldn't date. I said I deserve to be treated like a Princess. The Bible says a "Man should love his wife like he loved the church." This goes both ways, if a man puts you on pedestal then it's easy to love him that much back....I'm like 50 feet high up on mine, and girl your pedestal is up there somewhere!!! Go read my very first Blog where and how I met my husband...There is true love still out there ;) Good luck, keep me updated!
ReplyDelete